A Pain Free Day for Change

Buddha taught that life is dukkah, roughly translated, dukkah means suffering or pain. I have to agree. For me everyday involves some form of pain, whether it be physical, mental or emotional. I'm not looking for sympathy here, just stating my facts. I was in a car accident when I was 19 that has left me with a lifetime of back pain, I have ankle injuries that are from long term sporting related damage, mentally I struggle with anxiety and emotionally I have bouts of depression.

I have tried medication in the past, but rarely find anything that I can use long term that doesn't have worse side effects, than the original condition. These days I take Vitamin D for my depression and try to breathe through my other conditions. On the odd occasion I have a day like today, where I can't breathe through the back pain - this being the pain that is a constant in my life -  relative to it's intensity. So I took a pain killer today and within half an hour I could feel it doing it's magic, it is such a relief,  I understand how easily one could become addicted to them - to have a day without pain every day, would be bliss.

Should I live without pain everyday? I have started to appreciate my pain because it allows me to truly enjoy the joy of no pain. My pain is not unbearable most days and it helps me appreciate the struggles of others who's pain IS unbearable, it allows me compassion and empathy. Pain is relative, for each of us has our own pain threshold and no one can tell you their pain is worse than yours because until you have experienced the worst pain in your life you do not know what is unbearable for you. It is this that allows me to find strength in myself. When the pain seems more than I can bare I remind myself I haven't yet experienced my worst pain so this pain, in time, will subside.

I try to avoid medicating myself for my daily pain, because I know, one day there will be a pain I cannot bare and I want to know that day, the medication will provide me with relief. I know I seem cranky some days and I try not to take it out on others but I am a passionate person and I always speak from my heart, sometimes others read this as me being arrogant but my intentions are always true. I know sometimes the pain I feel comes through my words but they are not meant to inflict pain on you, but merely to reflect the passion I feel. I enjoy debating and if I am wrong I have no trouble admitting it. Without debate, without pain, we never feel change or feel the joy that can come from relief.

Healthier Care

I am shocked at how many friends in the US are against a national health care plan. The propaganda they are seeing can only be being fed to them by the rich - who can afford private health care. With the problems in the US economy I know many of my friends are suffering financially, having to give up luxuries in their life and forgoing what they can't afford - like private health care cover. It blows my mind when I see a friend post on facebook that they are going to work even though they are sick - because their employer doesn't pay sick days and worse they can't afford to go to the doctor or pay for medication to get well. How much worse can it get? I am talking about young fit people in their 30's with full time jobs and no children. What happens when you are too old to work, or if one of your children gets a serious illness or if you are in an accident and you have no health insurance?

In Australia - if I am sick, I can go to a doctor free of charge, some do charge an excess ( maybe $10 - $20)  but many don't. If I am too sick to work, employers pay sick leave or if I am going to be ill for 3 months or more I can get a government benefit and in turn receive discounted medication. This also applies to accidents. If I need to go to hospital - I go, if it is a non emergency I may have to wait a few months to get an appointment with a specialist but it doesn't cost me to do so through the public health system. Emergency rooms prioritise patients based on their level of emergency, ie if you have a broken arm you are going to wait longer than someone who's having a heart attack, but at least you will be seen without cost.

Of course we have to pay for this, it's called taxation. Of course if you want to choose your own specialists and don't want to wait for non emergency procedures and want a private room in a hospital you can take out private health care. If you choose to do this there is a tax break in it - and if you take out private health earlier in your life you save on your payments.

I cannot understand why the average American wouldn't want to be able to get their elderly parents the health care they need? I almost forgot to mention our aged & disabled get reduced medication prices as well as a government benefit. Health care is also about improving the general health of the population, not just fixing their problems. Education is the key to improving the general health of the country and in return reducing the cost of health care on the economy. You can't have one without the other.

So in closing I just want to say - are you being selfish when you say I don't want national health care? I don't want to pay for the sick and dying? What does this say about your society? What does it say about you?

Bragging Rights

We are told being confident is important, that we should be proud of who we are and what we do. Why is it when ever I get good at something and feel I have earned bragging rights, that then next time I do it - I somehow always screw up?

I like to think I am a reasonable cook and I like cooking from scratch. A white sauce takes a good 20 minutes to cook if you do it right - spend the time stirring, stirring until it thickens without any lumps. A friend recently visited and I offered to make a fish pie, which I have a gained a reputation of doing well - maybe one of these days I will make a fish pie instructional video. Bragging to my friend that, while my mum made a great fish pie - I thought mine was better and so would she, after eating it. Of course that afternoon I went to make the white sauce, as I have many times in the past and the for the first time the sauce curdled - WTF? If I had just kept my fat mouth shut and made the pie and waited for appreciation instead of blowing my own horn, I am sure the sauce would have been fine the first time around.

Just like my You Tube videos, I was doing fine, was inspired and having fun. I thought I was doing well and wanted to take it to the next level, so I went to film school for a year. Now that I am trying to make more professional videos and have bragged about going to film school, my videos are dull and boring and I am totally uninspiring.

Where is this leading to you may well ask, I am sure you have all felt the same way at times. This is what I think is happening in the USA now. For so long we have heard the chant "USA USA", " The greatest country in the world". Now while I am sure American's believe this, 64% have never left the USA, so how do they know? The other 95% of the world have been hearing these cries from you, many of us have come to check it out. While some stay, it is usually only fuelled by financial gain not because it is the "land of the free and the home of the brave".  I  think you have been bragging too long and have lost your mojo. The government has shut down - WTF?  with a population of over 300,000,000 people, how do you expect to maintain? It is time for the USA to do the head down, arse up approach and stop relying on the annoying midnight advertising version of pressure sales that you have been using the last 20 or more years. Who cares if anyone thinks you are the best?

I am going to try and be quieter, to let my actions speak my praises, rely on the kind words of others for support and try to be a bit more humble, it is free and doesn't require a great deal of energy. Who knows what could happen if I stop blowing my own horn, maybe I will have time to focus on doing something worthwhile and brilliant.

Vitamin D (epressing)

In case you hadn't noticed, I suffer from Anxiety & Depression. Some days I think Cancer would be easier to live with. Yesterday was my birthday & I can honestly say in 47 years, I think it was my worst, but I made it through it. Special thanks to my friends because, without you I doubt I would have.
One of my birthday presents was a bottle of multi vitamins & a bottle of Vitamin D from a friend who also suffers from this hideous condition.

So with my lunch yesterday, I downed 2 extra pills with my anti-depressants. I don't know if it was a placebo effect or it worked but last night I went to sleep at a reasonable hour, didn't have horrific dreams and woke before my 7.30am alarm and actually got out of bed without too much trouble. An hour later, here I sit with a coffee and bagel writing my blog. I have popped all my pills again and feel ready to face the world. I really can't remember the last time this happened.

I have been trying a lot of things to improve my life and beat depression so I know the vitamins alone are not doing the work but I am sure they help. I have seen a Psychologist, joined a community arts group, started taking on contract work and of course writing in my blog. None of these things were easy to do, the easiest thing for me to do is to stay in bed and hide from the world but I am getting very bored with this lifestyle.

None of the changes are really the root of the problem, I know the problem is I don't feel loved. I know my friends love me and I love them in return but feeling loved is a different thing. Knowing there is someone who wants to hold you, kiss you and be with you every day. This is something I have rarely felt in my life and to be totally honest I am jealous of people who have it. I hate being jealous, I want to be happy for them but in my heart I wonder why I can't find this passion in my life. I have surrounded myself with animals and friends in an attempt to fill this gap and in many ways it does.

As I get older it becomes harder to believe I will find passionate love with one other person and think I am going to be an old cat woman. I have friends who have no trouble meeting men and wonder what their "trick" is, but I guess being open and trusting is the first step - something else I have trouble with. I have been burned in the past, this makes me untrusting and means I put up a barrier when I meet someone new. It takes a long time for that wall to fall and by the time it does the person has often moved on.  I don't think I have all the answers, in fact I think I am still looking for the answers and this is part of that processes. Feel free to contribute any answers you may have - I'm open to your idea's.

Thanks

What gets me through the day? My friends, online, in real life, close by and far away. Not a long blog today just want to say, thank you to my friends.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC6FbQ1nNeU

Male Order Brides

Firstly, I want to say, I don't care where you come from, I welcome you to live in Australia. I welcome your culture and respect the diversity it brings to our country. That being said I am going to offend some people today. Mostly Australian men.

I know several men, over the last few years, that have "imported" themselves a wife. I say imported because they are being bought. Most of these men are over 40, divorced and want to be nursed. They believe it is their wife's duty to wait on them, to cook and clean, massage their ego's, their cock and their feet and be grateful for it!

No wonder there are so many single women over 40! When the children are home, if you can afford to be a home maker is a completely respectable career, but it is not what our entire life is about! Once the children move out, we also want to feel a level of personal satisfaction, beyond being a mother and housekeeper!

I feel pity for the women, who are forced to live a life of servitude, to the men Australian women reject! I understand women in Asia are treated like second class citizens, and coming here to live with crusty old perverts, is actually an improvement for them. I have been researching the sex slave industry, to see what we can do in Australia to improve the situation of women and children who are treated like a commodity. There is only one thing we can do - change the attitude of the men in our country.

How do we do this? As mothers it starts at home, teach your son's that this behaviour is not acceptable. Start shaming men who go on sex tours to Thailand, the Philippines and other 3rd world countries - we all know some that do it! Until we start making this behaviour unacceptable, the trade in women and children as sex slaves will never end. By doing nothing, we undervalue ourselves as women and the future of our daughters.

Being an educated, strong and independent woman is not enough. We must fight for the rights of other women less fortunate than us. Fight against poverty, slavery, persecution, victimisation and tyranny. I personally am unsure of what awaits us in the afterlife, but I believe this statement is true....

Happy Meal

Who really understands any one any more? Everyone has a story to tell, none of them are usually ever happy. If you have a happy story you are made to feel like a braggart. Everyone is miserable, depressed, unemployed, uneducated, uncivilised, ostracised, victimised and discriminated against. When you ask people what they want in life, the answer always seems to be, "to be happy". Are we really all so disappointed with our lives that just acheiving happiness is enough of an end goal?

When I was 10 I wanted to be a Vet, to work with animals. "Being happy" wasn't a life goal - it was how you felt most days. As an adult I suffer from anxiety and depression but my happiest times are those I spend with my animals. They have no expectations of me, other than to love them and feed them. So at 10, when I said, "I want to work with animals when I grow up",  I guess I was saying I want to be happy and already knew then what made me happy.

I have a few friends who are personal trainers, that try to convince me that exercise will make me happy. Personally I think it is bullshit, because when I go looking for a sports bra, they don't make them in my size. This makes me miserable to start with - how am I meant to bounce around without hurting myself? Then I get the - just go for a walk - after 10 mins I am puffing, my back hurts and I have chaff between my thighs. How is this meant to make me happy? I then get home sore, tired and miserable and have another binge feed - maybe a drive to McDonalds for a "Happy Meal" will help?

I'm not trying to be morbid and really do like some people but most just piss me off for their sheer idiocy and lack of respect for others and the planet we live on. I get angry about complacency and then exhibit so much myself, because what is the point of being a drop in the ocean when you live in a desert?

That is my food for thought for today, I'm going to go cook up some sugar and carbohydrates, lie down with my animals and watch a documentary on iView. Hope you are happy and if you have any idea's feel free to share.

Menstrangling

I haven't blogged in quite a while and while this page was originally designed for featuring my favourite Pescatarian food,  I think that the indication that something fishy is going on is still appropriate. As I mentioned on Facebook, I am getting increasing frustrated by the stupidity I see and if I don't release some of the tension I feel is building up, I will no doubt end up being labelled a terrorist! If not for my behaviour, at least for my total withdrawal from society.

I intend on discussing subjects that no one seems to want to address, so if you are feeling sensitive, seriously fuck off now. Today I am going to start with menstruation. From now on I am going to refer to it as  "Menstrangling", because at the first sign of "Aunt Flo" I want to almost bitch slap everyone of the opposite sex, for no reason in particular other than everything they do and everything they say.

Anyone would think they were all born without a mother. The child like embarrassment and behaviour they display when they find out you are Menstrangling is beyond belief! A friend posted this picture on Facebook today, that of course set me of on a tirade about how this would never be considered funny if it happened to men, because the little bitches would be in bed crying all day for their mother to help them, instead of having a day out in the sunshine.

I doubt that, even if I wasn't Menstrangling today, that I would find this amusing? Although I did offer to go sit on my friends desk all day without panties on, which any other week he would have considered sexy. In his defense he grew up without a mother and knew better than to poke the bear any more than he already had.

Are we really still so uncivilised that this is something to make women feel ashamed and dirty? I mean it's not like a fart joke - which I am the first to giggle my head off at. While feminine hygiene products ( again suggesting that we are dirty...) are taxed as cosmetics or non essential items, that are hidden away at the bottom of our handbag or in a drawer in the bathroom, nothing is going to change.  It is time that we as women need to do something about this. Mother's, talk to your son's about it, it isn't secret women's business. Advertisers, stop pretending that menstrual blood is blue to accommodate for men's sensitive and fragile personalities.

 I have designed a t-shirt I think we should all start wearing when we are Menstrangling, then there should be no excuses for the level of stupidity we have to see on this topic. Stop hiding it, it is normal, natural even dog's do it and it is not something we have control of. Instead of feeling embarrassed by a sign that we are healthy women of child bearing age ( although I have no intention of doing that again in the future) it is time for us to celebrate & be proud of what makes us female!

Today's rant is over - go buy the t-shirt! http://www.cafepress.com.au/cp/customize/product2.aspx?from=CustomDesigner&number=873449139